Silent Contracts with Strangers

You made an agreement with a complete stranger this morning. You did it yesterday at the grocery store and then again at the gym. Each day we make millions of silent contracts, with people we don’t know, as we wander through our lives. When the elevator opened and you entered while the person inside of it took a step backward- that was an unspoken compromise wherein you asked for some space in the elevator and the person inside of it agreed to give it to you. Neither of you spoke a word. No hands were shaken. Yet, you both knew what was expected and proceeded to perform the appropriate behavior.

Psychologists refer to these types of acts as examples of social norms. Essentially, there are unwritten but clearly understood rules for how human beings are supposed to act toward, and react to, one another. In general, we follow the patters set for us by the conditions in which we were raised. Culturally, there may be variations of these norms but at a basic level, every person understands the “rules”. Human beings are pack animals, and thus, in order to survive, we needed to belong to a group. As society became more advanced, so too did our desire to fit in. We don’t want to simply be accepted by a few people, we are now conditioned to seek the approval of everyone.

Once humans begin seeking the approval of everyone, we begin to see a shift in behavior. If you have…